Memories for Surviving Kids
Greetings Mom's Halo Readers,
I was extremely pleased to find my post on the Halo Forums being replied with an invitation from Jami to provide an article for this wonderful website. Allow me to tell you more about myself. My name is Bob DiPasquale, and I lost both my parents when I was quite young. I lost my Dad when I was three to heart disease, and I lost my Mom when I was eleven to liver cancer. My guess is that a great deal of Mom's Halo fans lost their Mom when they were a bit older than I, but let me share my perspective on losing a parent as a child, now that it is more than thirty years later.
Let me start by telling you that at least for me, trauma was minimal. As a three year old with a very busy father and five other siblings, I don't think I had done a lot of bonding with my Dad. I felt very little loss that I can remember. As an eleven year old when I lost my Mom, I felt a bit more, yet still, after an hour or two of tears and some somber days while arrangements were made, I think I bounced back fairly well. I credit my Mom for making arrangements for my siblings and I to live with her sister (My wonderful Aunt Peggy) and their family prior to her death. I still had my brothers I was very close too. I am extraverted, so I made friends at the new school fairly easily. To be honest, I don't recall spending very many moments reflecting on the loss. Rereading this, it must sound so cold to some of you who are grieving, but I was a boy. I was busy playing. I'm certain other youngsters with different personalities and different "plan B" living arrangements do not land as gently as I did.
I'm certain my life would have been different had my parents survived into my twenties. I think I would have been pushed harder academically as they were both teachers with degrees, and I remain with a single college course under my belt. On the other hand, had they survived, I doubt I would have met my wife, had my two wonderful daughters, and the life I am so thankful for today . What I wish I had most, is more memories of them. I have a single vague memory of my father reading a newspaper while I lay on my stomach on the floor in front of him coloring. The memories of my Mom are about reward, and discipline, and her illness. I was too busy worrying about her providing for me, than to learn who she was.
In 2000, my best friend died of cancer. He himself left behind a daughter who was three, and a daughter that was nine. I stood in a crowd of mourning friends and family, and listened to them say the famous words "Those poor kids", and "I wish there was something I could do." Well I have a feel for what that is…..that thing you could do. That's why I've founded Memories for Surviving Kids.
The mission of Memories for Surviving Kids is to encourage friends and family of deceased parents to write letters for the children. I have teamed with child psychologists and grief counselors to provide sound advice on doing so. At the MFSK.org website you will find advice on…
- Requesting Letters – Getting the words out to let people know you would really appreciate letters, and that you will be the one to make sure the kids are ready to talk about Mom or Dad before sharing them.
- Writing Letters – The things the letter writer should consider and some suggested inclusions.
- Presenting Letters – The right timing for sharing the letters with the kids.
- Keeping Forever – Some advice on how to make sure it stays part of their lives.
The MFSK cause is just getting started. I've received a great deal of feedback, and it has all been very positive. I look forward to the day when people begin to write letters for the children because it has become as much a part of our culture as the Thank You note.
Please help spread the word, and we can all help make it happen together.
Bob DiPasquale
Note: Bob DiPasquale is founder of the Memories For Surviving Kids (MFSK.org ) organization and website. Visit his website at www.mfsk.org to find out how you can become involved. Thank you, Bob, for your hard work and dedication to this very special cause.