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Ebbing, Flowing Tears Going thru the motions

#1 User is offline   SusieQsDaughter 

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Posted 29 August 2013 - 04:49 PM

Truer words have been said, not one of us signed up to be a grieving daughter. We thought they'd be there for us forever. Yet this past week, in torrid emotions and wishing that I wasn't drafted into this stage of grief...It dawned on me. Fight the current and lose the energy to make it another day...or let it flow...and allow it to rage and flow from within. Cleansing my soul from the heartache so that love can be restored. Its been 9 months since I lost my beloved Mom, and slowly I am just reaching the stage that she really isn't coming back. She is not going to be at the dinner table..or call on the phone. She isn't going to even say..Mom was right. (Which she really was!). Instead the ache pommels thru every fiber and shakes my being thru and thru. Her birthday came and went and No I didnt plant a tree or sing praises ...I wept...I wept as if I was back at the day I got the word..she was gone. Oddly as I go thru these phases it can also be said....that ....Grief doesnt end...its now by my side til its my turn to leave this world. It is a sentence and one that I take seriously. The intensity may subside...the lingering..the longing...it will be there....So ebb and flow...and let the memories be the comfort to ease the transistions. Thru this all...I am still her daughter and she will be in my heart ...
Teddi Daughter to Marie "SusieQ"- Passing date: 12/04/2012

Our saying....I Love you...(pause)..MORE!
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#2 User is offline   Jami 

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Posted 17 October 2013 - 06:43 PM

so sad, yet so beautiful and so true!
Jami,
daughter of Lois (\O/)
"first my mother, always my angel, forever my friend"
http://www.momshalo.org
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#3 User is offline   piskie1 

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Posted 15 February 2014 - 02:03 PM

Oh,Suzie....
I just read this and I almost cried myself.I felt the same way,I remember it well.I just realised I haven't cried 'that way' in a few months now....whether that's good or not I'm not sure. For me I think of my mum every day,without fail. I talk of her often- remembering the good,the funny,the not so good etc.My aunts and my nana,my brother,my dad(*who had been divorced from her 12 years when she died!),her partner,her friends,and I we include her in our thoughts often.....just recently my cousin had a baby and said how she remembers my mum visiting when she had her first,and how sad she is she wasn't there this time. We have a 'red wine and chocolate' evening around her birthday every year.We talk often.She is still so missed,and was so respected and admired. In fact just the other day I passed someone she worked with who stopped me,to ask after us all...and she got teary,talking of my mother and what she meant to her. Every time it makes me so gratified,that she is remembered so often.
I remember being at the stage you are at now.It's so hard.It's that point where people who haven't been there think we should be 'past it,moved on and over it', and if we aren't they think we are being macabre and self defeatist. NO. After much soul searching, I truly believe we never move on from the death of a loved one who was so much a part of who we were,who we are and what we will become. Our mothers live within us,and what they taught us guides us forever. I don't think anyone should live in the past and not move forwards with their own lives- BUT I truly think that you have to carry within you their memory,and remember them always.

I hope by now,things are getting easier to handle? For myself it's just over three years- and I feel I am making small steps towards the future....my future. I think I have now accepted the loss,but I will never understand it,not find a reason for it,to me it still seems so unfair.
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