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Complicated Grief?

#1 User is offline   Valdine 

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Posted 29 January 2018 - 02:15 PM

Hey everyone - my mom was diagnosed with endometrial cancer a few days before her 60th birthday in 2016.

She passed away on August 17, 2016. I started grad school a few weeks later and held together my Dad for several months, then moved to New Zealand to escape the new role I found myself in.

I moved back home last month and am facing a lot of memories of when she was still alive. It was a rough few months before she passed. I was being targeted at my workplace, and being back in the space has been difficult.

To be proactive, I sought out a grief counsellor locally. But it turns out that she's labelled me as having complicated grief because I am struggling to forgive my Dad for many violations that I dont need to detail.

Basically, the counsellor is very condescending and considers herself enlightened. I am really struggled to accept direction from this person.

Is it really as simple as having regret, being angry and so Im not actually moving on. I've been doing talk thereapy and support groups whenever I could as a student. I have done a lot of uncontrollable crying. I'm not there anymore. I have recreated myself and accepted my loss. I have rituals and spirituality. I have a support system and tools.

I'm basically here to read the stories of others and feel less crazy. :)

#2 User is offline   Jami 

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Posted 06 February 2018 - 09:02 AM

Hi Valdine,

I'm sorry to read about the loss of your mom. Sounds like you have been through quite a tough journey, but seeking counseling is a good thing and can be very helpful to get us through our rough patches. That being said, if you are not comfortable with the current counsellor - they certainly should not be condescending to you, you are grieving!! - I suggest you find a different counselor. It's fairly common that we dont connect with the first counselor we visit, so it's perfectly fine to find a different one. If it's making things more difficult, then that totally defeats the purpose of counseling.

Other than that it sounds like you are overall doing pretty well. You know we all have waves of grief that creep back up on us at times, and that is okay! Just remember to take care of yourself (emotionally and physically).

welcome to Mom's Halo,
Daughter of Lois (\O/)
daughter of Lois (\O/)
"first my mother, always my angel, forever my friend"

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