Mom's Halo Forums: Lost My Canine Companion - Mom's Halo Forums

Jump to content

Page 1 of 1
  • You cannot start a new topic
  • You cannot reply to this topic

Lost My Canine Companion

#1 User is offline   piskie1 

  • Advanced Member
  • PipPipPip
  • Group: Members
  • Posts: 79
  • Joined: 05-June 11
  • Gender:Female

Posted 05 July 2012 - 01:37 AM

I know this is not motherloss related,but I am just so devestated and distraught I need to let all this out or I'll go crazy :(
I feel like I just murdered my best and most loyal friend,my almost 14 year old Samdog....


Sammy came into my life during a tumultous time,as a eight month old Beagle crossbreed bundle of energy that brightened up all our lives.
Mum and Dad had recently divorced,and I was about to start college. We already had an eleven year old West Highland Terrier that had been mine since I was five years old.Their relationship was rocky to begin with,as he was used to being 'top dog' but within a matter of months they became reluctant friends.....

Although we'd gotten Sam mainly for my younger brother,as he'd never had a pet to call his own,the Westie(Toby) was always my dog,as young boys often do within a few months he became bored of the responsibility that comes with a dog,and gradually over the next few years,especially after Toby died it became clear that Sam was mine.She would come and lay on my bed,somehow forcing the door after we'd all gone to bed....and I took over caring for her when not at college....

At 21 I moved into my own home,and without much discussion,Sammy came too.In fact over the following 6 years that was a given...Mum and I had a holiday each year and Sammy came too.Each weekend Mum would come for a night round mine,and we'd go walking the next day -often slightly hungover- and Sammy came too. We travelled all over the UK.
When she was 7 she had a collapse,spent 3days in intensive care and I was told to expect the worse.She pulled through and was diagnosed with Addisons. In the following 6 years it meant medical bills,repeated blood tests and plenty of life choiuces based around her.I chose a job within walking distance of home so that I could never leave Sam too long.

Then my mum suddenly died in 2010...now Sammy was my angel on four legs,She was my company living alone, and my reason to get out for a walk,and my motivation to carry on.

Today I had to make the hardest decision ever-with a diagnosis that she had liver/kidney failure and that any intervention would only delay the inevitable,I realised the dreaded day had come...and said my last goodbyes to her.

I feel like I shouldn't have-she walked down to the vets (so many people say their dog could barley walk at the end?) and she wagged her tail and was pretty perky....BUT she hadn't eaten in 4days and had battled an incurable illness requiring lots of treatment and regular loss of bladder and bowel funtion for over 5 years..I can't help but think I took the easy route,to save myself further pain of watching her suffer and expense of her medical bills ... RIP Sam......
0

#2 User is offline   Jami 

  • Advanced Member
  • PipPipPip
  • Group: Admin
  • Posts: 993
  • Joined: --
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Arizona, USA

Posted 07 July 2012 - 04:32 PM

I am so very sorry to hear about your loss of Sam. :( Sam was so well loved and she gave you companionship and love right back. You did the best thing for her and you should not feel guilty about that at all. I don't know if you've seen this poem before or not, but it is precious and I think it conveys so much: http://www.legendofr...e.com/poem.html

hugs to you,
Jami
Jami,
daughter of Lois (\O/)
"first my mother, always my angel, forever my friend"
http://www.momshalo.org
0

#3 User is offline   piskie1 

  • Advanced Member
  • PipPipPip
  • Group: Members
  • Posts: 79
  • Joined: 05-June 11
  • Gender:Female

Posted 08 July 2012 - 06:30 AM

Thanks Jami

Everyone in my life has said the same to me-that I shouldn't feel guilty and I should accept she had an incurable illness that already had affected her quality of life for several years-blood tests twicea year,medication every month that had steadily increased and caused some side affects,frequent loss of bowel control,UTI's and vomitting.....not to mention eye and ear infections and increased thirst....and she always looked so miserable especially over the last year.....BUT despite all that,what remains with me is that she'd have extra tablets for a week or so and perk up each time...and then decline again....and I can't help but ask whetehr I should have tried once more to rally her....even for as little as a few months.....

When I discussed it with the vet,through floods of tears,she said 'but would it be good months..given she's in liver failure...we would have to admit her into intensive care again,pump her full of steroids and food,and given her age I can't tell you for sure that she's even come home from ICU....it's a slim chance,as she hasn't eaten in days and she's peeing yellow,blood in her stools and vomitting yellow bile' or you could take her home,and watch her slowly starve,as she isn't eating.......
0

#4 User is offline   Jami 

  • Advanced Member
  • PipPipPip
  • Group: Admin
  • Posts: 993
  • Joined: --
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Arizona, USA

Posted 09 July 2012 - 12:51 PM

You did the right thing. The vet gave you good information and you made the best decision for her based on the information you have. you were the best companion she could have had in her life.

You gave her everything and you did the brave thing in allowing her to go with dignity and love.

((hugs))
Jami,
daughter of Lois (\O/)
"first my mother, always my angel, forever my friend"
http://www.momshalo.org
0

#5 User is offline   piskie1 

  • Advanced Member
  • PipPipPip
  • Group: Members
  • Posts: 79
  • Joined: 05-June 11
  • Gender:Female

Posted 10 July 2012 - 01:48 PM

Thanks...am trying to make myself believe that :)
0

#6 User is offline   Jami 

  • Advanced Member
  • PipPipPip
  • Group: Admin
  • Posts: 993
  • Joined: --
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Arizona, USA

Posted 01 August 2012 - 10:05 AM

Just wanted to check in and see how you're holding up these days? Hope all is going well.

hugs
Jami
Jami,
daughter of Lois (\O/)
"first my mother, always my angel, forever my friend"
http://www.momshalo.org
0

#7 User is offline   piskie1 

  • Advanced Member
  • PipPipPip
  • Group: Members
  • Posts: 79
  • Joined: 05-June 11
  • Gender:Female

Posted 24 August 2012 - 09:06 PM

Hi Jami

I guess I'm doing better than I expected to....and sometimes feel 'wrong' for feeling this way....although I miss Sam every day and I miss her being here -the company she gave ....I am coping,and generally feel like it was her time.She was 14 and unwell,and I figure I have to pat myself on the back for keeping her going as long as I did,and stop beating myself up for realising the end had come.....
To be honest,I feel free.Is that wrong? I worried for so long how I'd cope without her here,especially after Mum died....but although I did have a few days of intense grief,I have realised I have so much more freedom now.I can come and go as I want.I can work whatever hours I want.It's quite liberating.
I still miss having her around,and would never not have had her in my life...but I guess I feel that part of my life is over...and with her passing,another reminder of mum is gone....and in a way it's not a bad thing....

Do I make sense?;)
0

Share this topic:


Page 1 of 1
  • You cannot start a new topic
  • You cannot reply to this topic

1 User(s) are reading this topic
0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users