August 2009 Member Spotlight: Barbara, daughter of Phyllis

This month we spotlight someone who you may know as "swanson" from the forums. She is pretty much a regular and always responds to posts with wisdom, care and kindness. She lost her mom just over 3 years ago and joined Mom's Halo community not long after that. I am pleased to be able to honor her this month with our Member Spotlight. I am eternally grateful and thankful for her strength and passion. I know she has tough days just like the rest of us, and her story is heart-wrenching but beautiful. To Barbara - I want to Thank You for all you do here and hope that you get back from this group as much love and care as you have given. Here is her story . . .

The Light of my Life

The most devastating day... the day I had dreaded almost all of my adult life... January 4th 2006... the day I lost the most precious person in my world – my mother.

At half past seven on that morning when I came downstairs after getting dressed to go to work, my mum was standing gently rubbing her chest. When I asked her what was wrong she said she had ‘a touch of wind’. I said I was going to stay at home but she wouldn’t hear of it. She said I shouldn’t take time off work for something so trivial as a bit of wind which would disappear shortly, so I reluctantly agreed to go but said that I would ring her every half an hour to make sure she was okay.

I rang at 8 o’clock and got no reply. I continued to let the phone ring. She had collapsed and the constant ringing brought her round enough to pull the phone off the stand. That was enough for me to run as fast as I could to the car and dash home and I have to admit to breaking the speed limit on the way.

When I got home, I lifted her into a sitting position and told her I was calling an ambulance but she didn’t want to be a nuisance to anyone and told me to ring our doctor instead. He told me to dial the emergency number for the ambulance and within minutes two paramedics were at her side. They gave her an injection to try to stabilise her and then we were in the ambulance, with all the lights and sirens going, on our way to ER. It was a terrible journey but I was pretty sure that when we got there she would be okay.

The medical staff were working on her and doing everything they could to raise her blood pressure so they could do a scan but, no matter what they did, they couldn’t get her blood pressure up to the required level. While they were doing this I began ringing round family members telling them to get there as fast as they could and, fortunately, they were all close enough to do so and were all there shortly after. By half past ten she had passed away despite all their efforts. The doctor informed me that a valve had split near her heart.

I am writing this through a veil of tears because, even after 3 and a half years, it breaks my heart all over again to go over the events of that awful day. I think that will always be so.

Although my mum was biologically 83 years old when she died, in reality she was more like 60 years old. She was so active and full of life and there had been no sign whatsoever that anything could be wrong with her. The previous day she had been to get some brochures as we were planning on going on a Nile Cruise later that year.

My mum couldn’t swim yet she had always nursed the ambition to be able to get in the water with a dolphin, so when she was about 80 years old I took her to Mexico for a couple of weeks holiday. While we were there, she not only climbed the steep temple steps at Chitchen Itza, she also realised her ambition and went in the water with a dolphin called Apollo. She was so happy... like a child who had Christmas every day for a year! She was chest deep in water but she didn’t appear to notice because she only had eyes for the dolphin. (To ensure her safety, she did have her own personal bodyguard keeping a tight hold of her flotation jacket).

This is how I want to remember her. Blissfully happy doing something she thought would only ever be a dream. This is the picture I see every day when I wake and every night when I go to sleep.

My mum would do anything for anyone who needed help and she raised hundreds of pounds for various charities. I was always so very proud of her and I carry her love with me every day in my heart. She was a wonderful person and every day I thank God for giving me such a precious mother.

“Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a tear”

Barbara, Daughter of Phyllis