From 7 to 35 without You

How can it be that you're not here?
Not here to comfort me?
How can it be that you've gone away?
Far away from me day by day.

How can I explain how much I miss you?
How I can I tell you, I need you mam?
Hoe can I say just how much it hurt?
When you left me that fateful day.

Sent away to relatives, they thought I didn't care.
Didn't they know how much I yearned for you?
Didn't they know how frightened and alone I was in an insecure world?
Did they think I wouldn't notice that you had slipped away?

Didn't they know that you were my Mammy?
Didn't they know that I was part of you?
Didn't they know you were my first true love?
and Didn't they think that I'd miss you!

Why did God take my Mammy?
Didn't he know I needed her at home?
Didn't he see, I wanted her beside me?
To share in my dreams and watch me grow.

Well the days turned into weeks and you didn't reappear,
The then weeks skipped into months and then I knew that you weren't here.

The tide of time rolled into years and womanhood loomed in the distance,
I did not think of you then, perhaps I should have, but you were nothing in my life.

I married and became a wife,
Then later on a Mother,
One day I looked into my child's eyes
and thought "God, I need my mother".

All those years I didn't know,
Just what a Mother was,
Yet, in the twinkle of my son's eyes
I could feel my loss.

I wish you could have seen him,
I wish that you were near,
I wish that you could share our lives,
I wish you could be here.

I know you can't ever come back to me,
I know because I've prayed to God above,
But I know you are there in my heart,
And there you will remain.

Part of you never left me mother,
But why does your name equal pain?

The pain that is in my heart,
The pain that never goes away,
Why can't that pain leave me now?
Will it ever go away?
I loved you like I loved no other,
Because you were my own dear and special Mother,
I loved you then and I love you now,
I'll never stop loving you until the day I die.

If I could have one wish, a wish that would come true,
I would pray will all my heart for yesterday and you.

Fill her arms with roses Lord, and when you see her smile,
Tell her that I love her and will until the end of time.

Written by: Susan Murphy in September 2000, 27 years after her death.

In loving memory of Gladys Emily Horsman, died 4 Feb 1973 aged 43 years.